Merry Christmas

It's been a month or more. How are you my dear blog? 

I bet these days when people start blogging they'd do a very common start, something like "Haven't blog for so long/I know I've been abandoning my blog/Sorry that I didn't post in a long time/etc.". Because blogging, I guess for most people in my environment now, is sort of watering down. Maybe it's because of Twitter, maybe it's because people are getting more busy, maybe it's because of Facebook, or maybe, people just got tired of it. 

But dear blog, I want you to know that, there are times, all too many a times, that when I want to blog so badly and the circumstances just don't allow me to do it. Time, mostly. 

Sometimes I want to blog right smack when I'm in the middle of a class, sometimes I want to blog when I'm lying in the bed, sometimes I want to blog when I'm driving, most times, I want to blog when I'm not readily accessible to a connected computer. And then afterwards, the inspiration and the mood's just gone. Like that. 

I want you to know that you're not forgotten. 

Seeing that it's Christmas --- 

What do you wish for the most, at this moment, the first thing that comes to your mind?

To become successful? To become rich? To become pretty? To find that special someone? To be proposed? To become famous? To have all the popularity in the world? A bag? A car? A sparkle of hope? A watch? A stuffed toy? 

I wish, to be living in a small cottage, tucked away in some unknown countryside, with some plots of lands for growing crops, a quaint, quiet, just me alone, or perhaps with a Golden Retriever (that dog never fails to be a part of my dream does it?), walls of books, my favourite books, cozy armchair, warm fire, meatloaf, brown walls, knowing only my neighbours and my family and perhaps a few friends, and that's it. That's it then I'll be satisfied. 

It sounds like someone else's retirement dream. It sounds very unambitious. But yes. I hate complicated life. I demand simplicity. There are lots of times I wish that I do not know a lot of things, like things happened between people, especially. I'd rather not know. It sounds very evasive, naive, childish, unrealistic, like some ostrich. But heck, I'm living for myself, if I do not want to know things I don't need to know, since it doesn't matter to me anyway except to disturb my clarity of mind, then I do not have to know. It sounds irresponsible, irrational, completely stupid. But when it comes to the end, don't you still have to let go? 

If you've became successful, rich, pretty, found that special someone,  be proposed, became famous, had all the popularity in the world, don't you, in the end, when Grim Reaper makes its way to you, still, have to let go?

We come to this world with nothing, so shall we leave this world with nothing. The more we have, the more painful it is to leave what we have isn't it? The feeling of achieving, gaining those may be overwhelmingly delightful but I believe, losing them would bring pains of equal magnitude. 

Merry Christmas, may all joys and happiness find those who need it in this world. 

Yvonne..

時の向こう 風の街へ ねえ、連れて行って

Deep rich vocal. A very beautiful song. 

風の街へ (Kaze no Machi he)

by FictionJunction KEIKO

時の向こう　風の街へ ねえ、連れて行って

Take me away across time to the town of wind

白い花の夢かなえて

Grant my dream of the white flowers

甘い指でこの手をとり ねえ、遠い道を

Take me by this hand with your gentle fingers, to a far-away place

導いて欲しいの 貴方の側へ

I want you to guide me, to be by your side

その歌声絶えない昼下がり

On this afternoon, though their voices is neverending

目覚めて二人は一つになり

Two lovers awake to become one

幸せの意味を初めて知るのでしょう

For the first time, they learn the meaning of happiness

連れて行って…

Take me away...

その歌声切なく高らかに

With a painful, echoing voice,

全ての心に響くのでしょう

They sing out with all of their hearts

幸せの意味を知らずに眠る夜に...

Without knowing the meaning of happiness, sleeping in the darkness...

まだ知らない夢の向こう ねえ、遠い道を

Take me to a dream I've never seen before, far away

二人で行けるわ… 風の街へ 

We'll go together... to the town of wind.

***

Lyric so simple yet it's tasteful. First heard it in Tsubasa Chronicle Season 1. It's an insert song. 

Yvonne..

Judgement Day

There is a belief which goes around saying when people die, they will face the Judgement Day, where God will evaluate your life and thus judge upon where will you go afterwards. 

But really, what should be the criterion for Judgement Day when someone dies? 

Should it be achievements? Or the number of lives saved? Or influences? Or the way him or her fulfilled life? If so, what is the definition of "fulfilling"? 

Each of us are born equal, however, brought-ups are quite important in influencing how will a person act later in life. It is possible to change that magnitude of influence and if you did, you could be one of the few people in this world who managed to do so. So naturally I guess, when you have good brought-ups you tend to be living life on the positive side, and vice versa. 

Being an introvert I'm not only people-repelling but I'm also quite eccentric. Not to mention lately I'm beginning to do things at my own pace and I'm beginning to wonder what on earth has got to me and although consciously I'm telling myself something has got to change before I hit something really hard but somehow I just keep going at it. But there's one thing I won't stop doing, that is to question, to think, criticize, and to decide my standing on the matter. 

Back to the topic. When Judgement Day comes to me, I have no idea what of me will be judged. My achievements are nil, number of lives saved nil, influences I have no idea, but probably not that great since I'm a pretty on-the-fence kinda person, and fulfilled life? Not much either since like I said, I do things my own way, at my own pace, in my own accordance, whenever I can help it. It's kinda sad and I wonder will God be really having a hard time trying to place me, or hey, will I be wandering on this earth like how Meg in Eoin Colfer's "The Wish List", until I do something which can decide where shall I go? 

Not that I'm regretting that my life isn't much of a sparkling and glittery one. I'm just being myself, living a life which I'm contented to be living. Is that wrong? 

Yvonne..

Oh...shit

Sorry for the cursing, especially when I haven't been updating my blog for a considerably long period of time. 

Anyway, I think I just might have seriously fall for someone. 

If not I really cannot explain how, after so long since I've felt something like this, my heart actually got pierced by this weird flying feeling, when I saw this fella. You know, the kind of feeling you do when you're in a free-fall, like, in a really scary roller coaster or something? Yeah, that kind. 

And no, I wasn't playing roller coaster that time, I was just simply walking. 

And besides, I THOUGHT he already LEFT!!! WTF is he doing there when I thought my chances of encountering him is already NIL for the day? 

No, God just loves playing pranks with me. Keep on letting me bumping into him when I LEAST expect it, and have all kinds of coincidence I could never think of, such as getting a pair of matching cards in a stupid fate game, or wearing the same kind of stupid white shirt like today (you know, the kind of shirt where it says "I Love xxxxxx"), or liking the same stupid movies, or the way we smile slightly to each other and says "hi" STUPIDLY and not knowing what to do afterwards except to be dragged by our other friends, never letting ourselves to properly chat together. 

There, I've said it. 

Dear God, please let me know what is it that You intend to let this be? 

Why did You let us meet, but no chance to talk to each other?

Why did You let us be in a room, but no chance of being together?

Why did You let us know each other, but no chance of knowing deeper? 

Anyway, those are just my very spontaneous thoughts of the moment. I'd probably find that fella very boring the next day. 

Maybe. 

I mean, people change, right?? 

So I'll just sit and wait and let this blows over and I'll forget about this one like all the rest and have my peaceful days again. 

And besides, love is so overrated. Pfft. 

Yvonne..

P.S. I wonder if I'll be in the same class as him again next sem?

Dear Kissaten,

I have a lot of things to do, so many that my eyes are flying here and there over the computer screen but I want to blog right now, to let you know what I've been doing these days, my recent developments (as if I'm some sort of drama or soaps), and what I'm thinking right NOW. 

First of all, if you guys have been following my tweets, I passed my finals last semester, with some very dangerous near-miss marks, and I'm not revealing the actual marks, but to me, it is pretty darn close that I'm quite spooked out. My fingers were trembling before I checked the results, yes trembling, and I actually closed my eyes until my heart is ready to accept whatever results that is presented before me. After analyzing my results I actually closed my eyes again and thanked God that he showed his mercy on me. 

Few days later, I attended a social gathering event organized by college, at which I encountered a pleasant surprise, which as a result I posted the previous post, it is actually a game that we have to play in that event, where the guy will be holding a riddle, and the girl holding the answer. The riddle and answer are repetitive among the crowd so really it's not all that special, but still I'm really amazed that things can be so freaky when you least expect it. Anyway, it's exciting at that moment at that timing but now it's all over and I'm much more rational now. 

Some time later, again my lovely college had another lovely test for us, and I totally sensed that I'm going to flunk that too anyway so let's not dwell much on that. 

On a side note, I've completed my Japanese Beginner 1 Level with Grade A certificate!!! I'm super proud and if you ever mention anything about it in my face I will wave the certificate in front of you in a very egoistic way and not even embarrassed by it because it is a language which I LOVE with all my heart and therefore, it is only natural that I'm so proud of it heehee. It is CONFIRMED that I'll proceed to the next level, see you my Japanese classmates next week!

Now I'm having a one week plus break which I feel is really short but it's actually really long in terms of our syllabus time because, usually our break's just a day or two, NEVER a week plus. It felt really short to me because of the tonnes of homework our lecturers assigned, and I too have some personal duties to attend to, not to mention some individual non-college related projects, AND on top of that I need to squeeze in some social activities because right now I'm like some kind of robot craving for human contact (I just finished re-reading Tuesdays with Morrie so please excuse my unusual craving which is totally different from the anti-social behaviour I usually have, because I'm now affected by Morrie's warmth and closeness to people and all that stuff). 

If you've read until here, congratulations, you're really a very patient person and therefore now I shall reward you with some discovery of mine. Have you ever fallen out of love before? Not puppy love, not one-sided love, not all those other love, but really, really fallen out of love? I think for the first time in my life, or maybe the second time, I'm not sure, since it's hard to define this kind of thing, I've fallen out of love, with a certain someone whom I still care for and wonder about, but I just felt detached. It's rather hard to put the feeling into exact words but I think I'm quite certain what it is. I know it the moment I no longer felt that heart-burning jealousy whenever I see something sensitive, or no longer felt that heart-wrenching pain whenever I feel down. In other words I felt liberation, a break-free from tight grasp, a sense of individuality coming back to me, where my emotions and feelings no longer depend on a certain someone, where my happiness and sadness is now up for me to decide. 

I'm glad to say that I'm single again. Not the status-kind of single, but the psychological-kind of single. Yes, I've done it. Someone please give me a graduation certificate. 

So now here I am, back to square one, enjoying my single life, and not willing to be put through the pressure and stress of being in a relationship again in near future. Uh, uh, no way. Not even that cute guy which I find rather interesting to observe. Now what I'm gonna do is to have fun. Mwahahaahaaaa *evil laugh pierces through the night*. 

That's it for now, signing off, 

Yvonne..

Silence

What is so fragile that even saying its name can break it?

Yvonne..

It happened in such an unexpected way. 

Irony in Play

From my perspective, life is always filled with irony. 

Maybe it's my cynical way of looking at community in general, always scrutinizing, examining and criticizing, it's always hard to believe that something is truly benevolent. 

Speaking of benevolent, the closest thing I could identify to be such is a Mother's love for her child. Even so, the other day I've just heard some news where a mother killed a number of her own infants right after she gave birth to them. In her own house. Due to her stout build, the terrifying thing is that no one notices anything at all. The reason she gave for her actions were that the babies are not wanted by she and her husband. 

I don't know which is more ridiculous, the fact that she never considered using birth controls, or the fact that she actually killed her own babies with a sound mind. Perhaps the latter. 

It's funny if one were to take a step back and view humans in general. I'd be happy to be an alien, separated from unnecessary emotions and hormones and study the most powerful population of the animal kingdom on earth. It'd be like watching dramas, comedy, action, romance altogether, like a movie. But I bet my primary focus is to view it as a comedy. So many things that humans do that makes sense but at the same time do not. Even the most respected beings, their reputation is questionable to me, as I could not be convinced simply by a person doing the right thing, at the right time, at the most appropriate timing. 

Although, rooms must be make for us as we are slave to emotions and feelings. Irony or not, sometimes the decision-maker himself do not realize that he is contradicting his own principles. The point is that it feels right. And thus, irony is created. 

Sometimes I really wonder if we're the Barbie dolls of higher-beings. 

Yvonne..

Reckless

The other day I was involved in a car accident. 

It was at night, but I thought of using a road which I seldom use but I think I know how to use to get home. Unfamiliar to the road, I tried to do a last minute turn onto a ramp and hit another car coming on. It was definitely my fault and I wondered how the heck I got so idiotic and lost all my rational thinking ability at that very precise moment. It could get very worse off if I lost control and hadn't hit on the brake immediately as soon as I've come to my senses. I regretted over it tremendously, even if nobody was hurt and the damages do not look all that serious (dents, scratches, and so on). Somehow, I felt like a part of me changed too. The way you view things, how a split-second decision could change your life completely, the way you deal with life, and so on. 

I used to watch/listen/read all those "Be careful on the road" stories. I took note of it, but didn't really take it all that seriously. Now, after a very hands-on experience, I can only be grateful that I was really lucky at that time, ie, no one was hurt. But I can't help thinking what if I didn't have that chance to be lucky?...

...

...

...

I could be seriously injured, or even die;

The family on the other car (parents and a child) could have gotten even worse.

It's really a terrifying set of what-ifs. In my case I'm more terrified of anything happens to that other car rather than myself. I don't think I can live with such guilt. 

For me, that was a really major accident. It was the worst accident I've ever encountered. And I pray, dear God, please let it be the last serious accident that I ever encounter. 

Once again, be very careful on the road, because,

you will never know how bad it could get. 

Yvonne..

Mission Statement

For CF2010: 

• Hunt for GOOD anime wall scrolls, if possible bag a few home. 
• Get ALL merchandise stores' name card, phone number and address, so that in the future, I wouldn't have to wait another year to get stuffs. 
• Explore every possible corners, do NOT miss out gachapons (capsule toys ftw) like last year's CF. 
• Meet up with friends who cosplay, not look at their photos after the event and wondered why on earth I never recognize them at first when I saw them (this means that they've put up some pretty good cosplay!!)
• Stay there until events end. 

Gosh. If only I have that kind of mission statement for my studies instead =.=

Yvonne..

It's already

AUGUST. 

2010. 

Have you ever have that experience, where you suddenly realize, as if all this while you're in a dream, and now, only now, you realize that it's already a few years after? 

If you have not, Congratulations, you've been living a very fulfilled life all this while, keep it going, and stop reading into this post. 

If you have, then maybe I can safely conclude that we're on the same boat. 

A boat where all dreams and futures are dead. 

A boat where visions are crushed, minds are darkened, and hopes are no longer alive. 

A boat where people like us, the dejected, never look beyond the future to feel the thrill of shimmering success, the excitement of realized goals, the shivers of possible happy-ever-afters. 

A place where views of the world is twisted, anything but optimistic, nothing of childish, but of cruelty and how ugly people in this world can ever be. 

A place where you've resorted to living just to pass the day, as if a corpse, to continue life, like all other people, to fulfill your duty as a human on this earth, as normally as possible, without breaking the chain, or customs, or whatever it is called, just for the sake of living. 

This is when you start living life without meaning to, and once in a blue moon it zaps you back, sometimes when looking at the calendar, sometimes when someone asks you what day is it, or sometimes when a relative reminds you to attend this function which is on some date, that hey, time passes even when you aren't feeling anything, time passes even when your world is without colors. 

"If you wish, shall I take you away? 

To a place in this city where 
wishes come true." 

~ Furukawa Nagisa, Clannad

Yvonne..

Giving

No one gets her a gift even though last week she hinted it to us --- except me. 

And I'm so very very glad that I did. Otherwise: how very sad!!!

It's one thing that no one gets you any gift because you never mention it, but it's really a heart-breaking thing to hint to the WHOLE CLASS, but no one gets you any gift. Which is why I never mention the coming of my birthdays to anyone, because in the event that if really, everyone forgets about it, at least I can console myself by telling my pathetic self: "oh don't worry, it's just that they don't know, that's all" which is all a lie, but really, it makes you feel better, even if you know it's a lie. 

Of course that's just IF. Therefore, I truly, from the bottom of my heart, am very grateful, to all my friends, who never forget to sms me at midnight, or drop me a wish anywhere, anytime, on each of my birthdays. 

By the way, I was talking about my Japanese teacher, whose birthday is on next Monday. 

I got her a photo frame, which I think, is never too many for anyone. I thought of getting her a bar of chocolate but I was afraid that she might be on a diet or is cocoa-intolerant or something (um yeah I derived that from the phrase lactose-intolerant). And besides, she might put the photo of us and her into that very frame. Later. When we do actually get around to take a photo. Who knows. 

It's a black frame, with swirly white flowers around the border and is made of glass. I kinda hope she likes black cuz she wears a black jacket to our EVERY single class. So I think she might like black. 

She looked really surprised and happy for my gift. And I'm almost as equally as elated as her. Recently I learned that:

Giving, is a good thing.

Not just from this event, but from things that happened lately. And that's a story, for another day :)

Yvonne..

Suki

You're always at the corner of my eyes, 

you're always on my mind, 

you're always the one I'd apply "What-if?"s to, 

you're hot, in my eyes, 

it's been some time since I start liking someone,

but I think this time, I'd like to like you longer, 

longer, 

longer, 

and I would never look at you directly, 

inquisitively, 
curiously,

or even flirtatiously, 

for fear that if there might be a girl, even remotely close to you;

for fear that if my gaze linger on you too long, you might notice;

for fear that if I ever had the nerves to talk to you, all the bubbles might break; 

for fear that if I ever had the words out of my mouth, the tension is over;

why can't I say the right things, like all other smooth operators, 

why can't I do the right things, and stop worrying what might happen, 

why can't I just react right, when you came so close behind me, 

that my heart almost-literally jumped out as I realized: 

you were there all the time without making a sound???

why do you have to dress in a way that it seems like only I find it hot?

why do you have to be such a geek that it seems like only I find it cute?

why do you have to look so... argh! 

and worst of all, why in the world that I sometimes found you staring at me??????

was that just me?

I think so. I dare not tell myself otherwise. 

It's been three times that we've talked, 

it's been two times that I've caught you looking at me, 

it's been damnit-how-many-times you're so near but we never talk? 

"I like you!" If only I could say that without fearing the consequences. 

I like liking someone. I also hate liking someone. 
Life is such a fantastic irony. 

Yvonne.. 

New Project

I want a major revamp on my room. Period. 

I've been following a "Pictures of your room" (which is sometimes mistakenly read as "Pictures of your mom" and set people off laughing) thread and man, some of these kids really have got their room (or should I say life) together so so so nicely. Not to say extravagant, but yeah nicely. Even small rooms, some managed to make things SO organized and still have rooms for display, it almost makes me cry and sob and feel very ashamed. You know, I'm THIS close to driving myself over to Ikea and start buying a whole room of new furnitures. 

I'm not saying that I hate everything in my room... but it's so... mismatched. Every piece of furniture in my room comes from a different place and a different time, to some people maybe it's very chic or something but nooooo it's super not. And I know I probably sound like a major spoiled brat for saying all those things up there, but I think I deserve some furniture changes after oh I don't know, living with them for nearly 20 years? 

Hey, I think I just found a perfect killer-line to convince my parents to see things my way :) I shall start flipping my Ikea catalogues. 

Yvonne..

Beautiful Opening

I dare say, this is one of the best anime openings I've seen throughout my entire anime history. 

The timing and the animation is so matching that I want to announce it husband and wife. 

Yes, one of the best. No doubt. 

Yvonne..

P.S. If you can wait, wait for the HD to load before you watch =D

100th

According to MyAnimeList, a useful online list tool specially for otakus like me to list down which animes I've watched and at the same time provide useful information on animes and run statistics on our animes, I've completed

100 animes
(click me if you wanna know which ones)

Medetashi medetashi!!

And okay, I know that's not such a big number, after all my target is 300, but reaching one third of it makes me just as happy. I did stop watching for some time due to the utter long-ness of Rurouni Kenshin. 

Anime otaku forever. Peace. 

Yvonne..

New Sem, New Subs, New Gangs

It's almost the same to me every sem.

Except that this sem, I think I'm kinda getting the gist of it. Hey, at least I don't hide at some deserted open-air stairwell whenever I get a break and sleep or eat or get some sunshine there. 

And okay, at least I have nice friends to chat with and get to know of this sem for nearly every subject but still, I miss my best best best best best best friends in the world. 

Now I know why I cried during my high school graduation (and btw I'm NOT a cheerleader). 

Anyway, this is just a post to let my dear friends know I'm not dead yet :)

But I AM busier than last sem, taking 3 papers with one being of one of the ultimate P papers so yeah, I'm super busy, and also super sleepy at most times whenever I'm at home, not studying or watching anime. Therefore I often find the bed more appealing than the power button on my computer and so, this is why I'm not online most of the time. And on Saturday I have Japanese class and on Sunday I have either a life or family-forced-functions or an exam to study for. 

Omg, I'm gonna miss the net. No wait, let me do it again. Omg, the net's gonna miss me. Bwahahahh. 

Yvonne..

P.S. SMS works faster with me than MSN these days...just so you guys know ;)

In The Rain

So this is what it's like to walk with someone under an umbrella in the rain, making lame but somehow funny jokes while me complaining my wet velvet shoes which I love so much. The shoes I mean.

Koi ga setsunai.. 

Yvonne..

Charice

What I see, is a kid trying to act like an adult.

Sure, she sings good. And able to mimic big singers' voices.

But singing the songs as perfect as how it is performed by the predecessors is relatively easy rather than CREATING the perfect conveyance yourself.

Part of the reason why big songs are so touching is because the emotions are real.

In a few years, we shall see her "transformation" into a skinny, fully make-upped 24/7, perfect model, and as I like to put it, a regular entertainment's-next-new-money-tree.

Sigh. Young generations these days grow up so fast. The kids don't play paper dolls anymore, instead they watch Glee and admire people from High School Musicals.

Omg I sound so old already. Wth I am old already.

Yvonne..

Uneasy

I hate it when things are not in my control.

That's when I start to lose it. Or give up. Or walk away.

Which is why I usually follow up on everything I do, to the extent that it's annoying EVEN to myself, just so I won't end up in a shitty situation, at the bottom of the pit or something.

Even if I know that the car is going to crash into a wall, as long as my hands are on the steering wheel, and my pedals are working, I know that it's going to be fine.

But I know not all things are perfect.

That's when I feel uneasy. And nothing I do can ever calm my uneasiness. It has to be an outside influence to calm this feeling.

And I am not, a people's person.

Yvonne..

Wrong

Something is VERY wrong with blogger.

Can you guys my fellow bloggers tell me which are you using: Updated Editor or Old Editor?

(You can choose this option in the "Basic" tab under your Settings for the blog)

I'm still using the Old Editor, as I prefer it better, but I find that the image placeholding function is kinda f-ed up.

Before the UPDATED editor comes in, I can move the image wherever I want to in the post and when it's published, you can still click on it to get a larger image.

Now, I can't. If I want that function, I need to get all the pictures on top of the posts. Or deal with the troublesome html.

Gah I don't know if you guys even get what I'm talking about.

I'm probably going mad.

And I'm tired. And today's the LAST DAY of my holiday before hell starts. Sigh.

Anime, at times like this, you keep me going.

Yvonne..

Choked

That's what I nearly did, on the green tea that I'm sipping, when I saw someone named usui102 is following me.

On my twitter.

Did he not realize, that he has the same name as that hot guy featuring in Kaichou wa Maid-sama!???

I think he followed me after I updated twitter with "♥♥♥ USUI ♥♥♥". Um, tough luck pal, but you may notice that people have been saying Usui a lot lately due to a certain popular anime?

Anyway, his twitter is FILLED with Japanese, which I'm only in a beginner class learning it, so I don't really have any idea who he is at all. I tried reading some updates, but I can't get the whole picture.

Lol. Sorry Usui, the one I'm in love with is, I'm sad to say, a fictional character.

Yvonne..

P.S. And he actually REPLIED my green tea tweet! And then he updated his twitter with something about working hard writing in English!! LOL!!

P.P.S. Why is it that I'm so PATHETIC when it comes to conversation in Japanese?? orz

Now,

I'm relaxing with my green tea, doing my things online, while chatting with one or two friends enjoyably.

While suffering severe muscle pain ALL OVER my body.

Due to the fact that yesterday, I had another de-clutter my room session again. Last time was about 6 months ago, this one.

Except that this time, I didn't find dust rolled into a cylindrical shape, instead of those cute little dust rolls, I found something even more exciting (yes I'm being sarcastic), which are

INSECT EGGS

hidden behind some of my stuffs (which had been there for about 10 years or so I guess, I couldn't really remember).

DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT ask me WHAT insect eggs are those, because I SHUDDER to even think about the eggs. All I did, the moment I saw those bloodygoddamned eggs, is to SUCK THE HELL UP with my lovely, trusty, god-bless-them vacuum cleaner. Without thinking much about it. So yeah that's how I cleared the bloody things.

My operation was pretty simple actually. I set out, at 3pm, to clear and chuck two three-boxed colour boxes which is situated above my TINY closet. At the same time I dig out all my paperbacks and relocate them into my glass cabinet which is a new furniture I have.

Apparently I kept USELESS things from 13 years ago. Things like unmarked homeworks. From my FIRST GRADE.

It seems like I'm a very sentimental person after all eh? Sadly I can't find any love notes since 13 years ago. I wonder where I hid them instead.

Just kidding, ugly people like me don't have love notes from cute boys when I was 7.

Anyway, I finished clearing up my stuff, and the insect eggs, at 2am.

Yes, that's 11 hours of hard work and labour for me. I went to bed, shit tired, after watching the Portugal-Spain game on live (Ha! Now where's the advertisement star Ronaldo's going to hide his face??), at 4 something am.

Then, today morning, I woke up in a dead person's body. Totally petrified, like how people got "petrificus totalus!" (yes I still remember that damn spell from Harry Potter), but instead of the regular Petrification spell, this is something even nicer, which came with severe MUSCLE PAIN and inability to even get out of my bed.

But in the end of course I struggled out of my bed and moved my body in great pain.

And when I grumbled about it to my dad, he replied cheerfully with a "this is what you get for clearing your stuff every 10 years".

If he finishes that with a wink, I swear I might strangle him with both my hands.

And now, I'm happily drinking my green tea, recounting my fascinating yesterday, which involves lovely insect eggs and muscle pains *shudders*

Yvonne..

Korean Heat Wave

I'm sorry to say that I feel utterly indifferent about it.

Maybe it's because it's within my nature to dislike overrated, or mainstreamed, or popular things. And unfortunately at this time of the year, it's about the Koreans. Korean boys, korean dramas, korean language, heck, even the korean team for FIFA world cup. EVERY-FREAKING-WHERE I go, there MUST be someone posting or fantasizing or display-photoing the koreans.

And don't you dare mention "Wonder Girls" or "Super Junior" in my face, and also "Nobody" or "SNSD" as well, cuz I might puke. Really, I will.

And it even adds to my negative perception about it even more when I discover the fact that,

To the Koreans, it's a norm to have PLASTIC SURGERY.

Yes. It's a norm.

So, if you have the free time to make the connection, joining-the-d0ts as we call it, the mainstream loves the Korean because they're pretty/handsome, and SOME (I said some not all so don't start counter-attacking me) of them have the desired effect all thanks to plastic surgery, so... in the end, who, or shall we say, WHAT, exactly are we actually liking?

That's right: The mainstream loves the beautiful face of PLASTIC SURGERY.

Also, it tells us that the society these days are into appearances in more vain ways than it ever could. Forget about morality, forget about warmth that makes relationships sparkle, forget about intelligence and talent, let us all place APPEARANCE in the center of the stage, and all us sinners shall support it with all our heart and soul.

Oh, except me. You all can go on ahead.

I'm done letting out my thoughts.

And, please don't dislike me due to this post, dislike the fact that what I'm saying could be very true, as they say, "don't blame the messenger".

Yvonne..

A Resolution

I'm going to QUIT facebook games.

Just don't think it's gonna work, with a P level paper next sem AND audit paper (you know how I will die over audit paper) AND Japanese lessons.

Not to mention, I'm kinda (I said KINDA) fed up with them already, with GOOD reasons: all the collecting cute things in PS every single week BUT not having enough rooms to place them AND the things end up accumulating in the inventory and I got so mad at the inventory sorting system and--- And that RC, every week new dishes will be out AND a new ingredient every other fortnight AND this whole --- ARGH. BESIDES, my browsers are so friggin slow and Firefox always crashes (but I use Chrome now, the thing is just so faneffingtastic) and this adds on to my anxiety level which I am personally measuring everyday to see if I really am an OCD (and yes I am!! Whoppee! NOT).

Also, I'm beginning to pick up pace in anime (Alter Ego of Yvonne: AHA!! So THAT'S the real reason!!!).

So, I'm making a resolution: Starting today, I'm not gonna play facebook games.

And I mean it. Because I don't feel love for it anymore. Really. T_T.

Cheers to unlocking-social-games-handcuffs!!

Yvonne..

DREAD Again

In a few days, my college will be starting soon.

The cycle will resume back to: go to college, be intimidated by the knowledge opened up to me, be freaked out at the kind of things and the amount of it that I have to cram in WITHIN 5 months and sit for the exam of it in 6 months, go home, have meals, study a bit, feel lack of happiness in life, go online, entertain myself with animes and shows, realize that my assignment is not finished after I'm done, finish assignment, go to sleep.

Then the next day I will wake up feeling totally depressed all over again.

Oh yeah, it's going to be so much fun.

Btw, what is this that I heard about Kevjumba being on AMAZING RACE SEASON 17 WITH HIS DAD?????????????????

No. No. NOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Someone must've dreamt about it and spread the rumours on the web. That is so unreal.

But awesome. At the same time.

I got sort of excited. Yeah. And cannot wait to see the duo on AMAZING RACE.

Now, I have something to look forward to. Besides Japanese class every week :D

Yvonne..

P.S. I know you guys miss my Food posts. At least I miss them too. I'll try to get something up soon enough ok?

Maybe...

...it's time for me to do some self-reflection.

I thought, it's fine by just being myself but it seems like that is not important anymore.

It now certainly looks to me that, what people perceive of you is the most important.

Should I start being someone I really am not, in order to get back in there again?

I don't know.

I used to have a very strong sense of right and wrong but sometimes it gets so blurred. So very blurred.

Being 20, a quarter of the average age people lives to without any accident or sickness, I feel way worse than when I was 17 or younger, able to tell you right away what should you do in that circumstances, what should you not do, what is the best thing, and that kind of things. There are a lot of questions in my head which are not there when I was 17 and now no one can answer. Not even guidance of history or religion.

I wonder if it's just me. I do have the feeling that it's just me.

Self-reflection.

Yvonne..

Outburst: Kaichou wa Maid-sama!

Disclaimer: This is not a review, but an outburst by a girl who is now helplessly having hots for a certain guy in a certain anime.

USUI.

USUI.

USUI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wait, let me settle my boiling, doki-doki feelings for him so that I can put my burning feelings into words.

Ok. Here goes:

HE IS THE HOTTEST MAN ON THE EARTH.

(for now)

AND THIS ANIME IS TO BE BLAMED. (suddenly blaming innocent anime out of the blue)

THIS ANIME---IS---*DESIGNED*---TO MAKE US---I.E. ANIME-FAN GIRLS---FALL IN LOVE WITH USUI.

Yes. Even me. The cool-headed one when it comes to anime. The unique-taste one when it comes to mainstream anime. The not-easily-fooled-by-good-looks-and-cool-demeanor girl.

Because.

He.

Is.

Just.

Simply.

SMOKIN' HOT.

Yes. There. I've said it. With no sense of covering it up or whatever. I am so in love with Usui.

Not because he's good looking, not because he's cool. I could get that from any other animes lying about in my lair.

Although yes those two points sort of counts to the big picture, you get what I mean. And that's not the point.

He's POSSESSIVE, and DOMINANT. That sort of brought the hot level to 70% now.

You know what made the level hit home? Go on, guess, go on.

GLASSES. DAMMIT.

I know, so pathetic right. Just one scene, from episode 11, at the last, when he wore that pair of glasses.

I instantly melted. Damn.

Let's hope it's not a permanent thing. I haven't seen episode 12 yet.

But I got a feeling I'm going to love him anyways ♥

And it's not just about Usui either. I like this anime a lot because FOR ONCE IN A GODDAMNNEDLIFETIME, there is no friggin whatever HAREM in it. And that's good. That's really good. Because once in a while, normal people like us deserve a normal, monogamous couple relationship that undergoes NORMAL jealousy, embarrassing times, shyness and so on.

In one good, I DARE say, this anime IS AS GOOD AS OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB.

Yeap. You read that right.

Dewa, minna-san, I've done my fangirling. Thank you for listening. You can all say "PATHETIC" to my face now and I will happily accept it. I am just too happy to say anything back now anyway =D

Yvonne..

Okay

I have officially changed my blog address.

I welcome you to Kaori's Kissaten.

Don't ask me "Who's Kaori?" - it's my Japanese name that got stuck in my head for a long time ever since I used a translator somewhere long time ago and I've been using it here and there on the net for a while now.

And kissaten is Japanese for a café. 

So, that being done, I will proceed to change my layout. I think that's going to take some time...

See ya my dear readers!! :D

Yvonne.. (Wait should I change this sign off name too? Um, no, heck it's my real name and besides it's already a tradition and besides I've done this for each and every post of my previous 600+ posts and now I'm NOT gonna change my signature too okay ------)

LOLWTF

This mail was sent to my mailbox:

Hello Dear,

My name is Jennifer I saw your profile when i was browssing, i decide to contact you for long term relationship hopeing that you will accept my request,if you accept my request ,please reply to my email address (*censoredincasesomeidiotsreply*@yahoo.com ) so that i will send you my photos and more about me,i believe we can make good friends,let distance not be a barrier but lets love connect,because love is a bridge connect far distance to be close

Yours Lovely

Jennifer

I laughed like never before at the bloody email. My first reaction was "WTF?" and in my opinion, whoever who created this mail hoping to fish some gold bachelors are a complete moron.

First of all, you DON'T decide to have a long-term r'ship with someone by looking their profile, unless you're a psycho goldfish. And oh by the way, while you're reading my profile, did you even bother to check the gender which says FEMALE? And secondly, "let distance not be a barrier but lets love connect"????????? AHAHAAHAAAAAAAA.

Mails like this can be so entertaining sometimes.

Yvonne..

FIREFOX PWNED!

I never thought that I'd say this, but man GOOGLE CHROME rocks like never before.

Let me tell you the feeling - It's like dumping your crappy jerk musician boyfriend (Mozilla Firefox) and marrying to a multi-millionaire who's handsome, your age, and has a sense of humour (Google Chrome).

Now, let me continue enjoying my "husband".

XD

Yvonne..

5 Centimeters Per Second

Also known as Byousoku 5 Centimeter in Japan. It's an anime movie which went on the screens a few years ago. If you wanna know the story, please click here.

After watching, my initial response was: WHY IN THE WORLD BEAUTIFUL STORIES ALWAYS HAVE BLOODY SAD ENDINGS?

Or should I say, why in the world beautiful relationships always do not end with "and the two of them live happily together ever after"?

And how the heck can Takaki LIVE loving Akari ALL THESE YEARS without flying to Akari's side and tells her how much he loves her and asks her to marry him and have kids with him and never leave his side ever again??? I mean, come on, it's not like Takaki lives a very wonderful life, being alone, working as a computer programmer, passing day by day like some soulless corpse. He would do SO MUCH BETTER by doing what I said there.

TAKAKI YOU SUPER BAKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tell you what, if I'm Akari I'd totally stop my wedding and leaves everything had I known what Takaki is going through.

ARGH!! Watching this kind of beautiful-yet-bloody-sad movie is very suffering for me!!!

ALTHOUGH, I have to say, the anime is SO BEAUTIFUL. As in the artwork, I mean. EVERY SINGLE FRAME is a pure masterpiece in itself and I tell you, this guy (as in the creator) is darn good in nature scenes, putting it in an anime perspective, it's just the ultimate eye candy for every anime addicts.

Though you must have enough maturity to understand the storyline cuz it's not that clear, at least to me in the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th episodes. The first was pretty clear though.

I knew about this anime from this Japanese film festival that I want to go so badly but in the end didn't cuz it's too damn far and I'm busy on the days the nice shows are showing.

But as always, I have ways to get what I want, when I want it ;)

Yvonne..

僕はまたあんなふうに誰か愛せるのかな

Just changed blog song.

I think I've been listening to this song for over 100 times within these 2 months.

月とナイフ (Tsuki no Naifu)

by スガ シカオ (Suga Shikao)

僕の言葉が足りないのなら

If my words are not enough for you

胸をナイフで裂いて　えぐり出してもいい

Cut my heart with a knife and rip it out

君の迷いと　言い訳ぐらい

Your excuses and hesitations -

ほんとは僕だって　気づいてたのさ

Really, even I noticed it

いつかまた　あんなふうに誰かを憎むのかな

Will I hate someone like that again?

だとしたら　もっともっと

If so, embrace me more and more

抱きしめて　トゲのように心に刺さればいい

Like a thorn piercing your heart,

あなたに　ずっとずっと　残ればいい

Let it remain in you, forever and forever...

今更何も　言わないけれど

From now on, it would be better not to say anything

君の言葉は全部　ウソでいいんだろう

For all your words are lies

こんな事ばかり繰り返してたら

If I repeat it over and over

僕の涙はいつか　月に届くだろう

Maybe someday, my tears will reach the moon

僕はまた　あんなふうに誰か愛せるのかな

Will I be able to love someone like that again?

その時は　きっときっと

When the time comes, surely, without a doubt,

かぐわしい　風のように時が流れればいい

I can move on like the fragrant wind flowing over time

いつまでもずっとずっと　続けばいい

Forever, always, continuing......

***

It's a simple song, with his raw voice and quite acoustic guitar background, but it seeps into my heart simple as it is.

Yvonne..

So Weird

Before you continue to read, let me INSIST that I don't mean to brag or anything like that.

Ok, here goes:

You all know I'm a total otaku right? With the net addict and stuff and all. So, one of my net activities include mingling around net forums. Big deal, I bet most of us signed up for one before. Now, the thing is, I often get comments like this (especially from strangers who're just starting to know me):

• Are you french?
• By any chance could you be from Canada? (Apparently I used some of Canadian slangs without even knowing it myself)

I'm kinda happy. Sort of. Teehee. But anyway they're probably just taking a wild guess and not like after some serious analysing.

But still.

:D

Yvonne..

Quick Update

Some of you might wanna know how was my FIRST Japanese class *eyes-shining-brightly*

First of all, I was late. Sort of. Luckily that time sensei (teacher) was taking down the attendance.

She introduced herself as Tanaka-sensei and started the class by teaching us numerals. No problem there.

There's about 18 students in my class, which means that all the seats were taken (yes the class's kinda small but actually the largest class compared to other classes there, if you get what I mean). Most of them are already working, including one or two housewives, 5 or 6 studying youngsters like me, and one uncle who looks very rock (long-haired, pierced ears and all).

It's a strange mixture but somehow I know we can get along just fine since everyone's quite enthusiastic to learn Japanese.

Tanaka-sensei was a very kind and patient lady, she never show any I'm-in-a-bad-mood faces and in that 2-hour class she managed to get us laughing quite a number of times. She's quite cute actually, not the hot-girl-cute kind but the personality-cute kind. I think she's married. She looks like she's in her 30s.

Although I already knew 95% of the stuff taught in class, but learning it again from a real Japanese teacher is really nice. Sort of gave me the confidence you know.

ANYWAY, I should be studying for my final exam which is JUST A WEEK AWAY.

So, when you hear from me again, I will be released from the grasps of exam-stress and free to talk and do whatever I want. Heehee. Sayonara!!

Yvonne..

Announcing......

Well, it's nothing big.......

It's just that......

I SIGNED UP

FOR

JAPANESE

CLASSES!!!

:D:D:D

Yes that big-ass font size is an indication of how HAPPY I am :):)

Mwahahahahahahaaa~~

After so many years since I've started watching anime, being utterly interested in the Japanese culture, after so many years of listening to Japanese music, my DREAM (relatively small as it is), for so long, is granted. Dear God, I love you.

Cho ureshiiiii yo~~~

*^_^*

Yvonne..

Venting, for the last time.

You know what kind of people I really look down upon?

People who fools around, thinking that they know what they're doing, creating oh-so-exciting dramas in their life, tagging along people who, really, have MUCH BETTER things to do than to act a part in their bloody dramas, AND THEN, chuck the people who got along in their dramas like some rubbish, after which they whistle and walk off as if they never did anything wrong to the victims.

Does this reminds you of someone you know of?

Seriously, what the heck is wrong with these people? Now that I know your modus operandi, you can be damn sure that I will be out of your life in no time. Thank you, but I'm fed up with your SELFISHNESS.

Yvonne..

After Nearly 5 Months...

I came back to my personal space to blog.

Although I've done this before but now all of a sudden it feels weird. Like, familiar but weird.

And I kinda like the fact that I don't think anyone follows this blog anymore MWAHAHAA. Which is good because I don't think you guys are going to like it when I reveal what I've been doing for the past 5 months ignoring my blog totally and completely.

Actually there's no reason. Yes, you've read me right. There's not a valid reason for not writing in my blog. It's not because someone I do not like to be reading my blog is reading my blog, it's not because I've had such a traumatic impact that I don't wanna blog anymore, it's not because I've got myself involved in something very attention-consuming that I stopped blogging anymore. No, it's not all that.

It's just that, one fine day, I just decided that I don't feel like blogging for a long time. You can called that "lazy" I guess (hehehehehe) but I bet 75% of the people whom I know will not believe that I am a very lazy person. They all think that I'm hardworking and I seriously don't know why.

Or, you can blame it on my facebook game. To be exact, TWO facebook games. And ACCA. And my college's constant ongoing stream of tests (3 tests in 4 months!!). And now, after the third test, I have a week of short break (supposed to be study leave) and then a month later I will HAVE MY FINALS. YET AGAIN. It's depressing, already.

Anyway, I want to announce something (as if anyone still read the blog anymore) --- I am going to change my blog's website.

So do take note. Why? Because my current blog website name is boring. Lol. Yes, I know "how can my name be boring?" But yes I think it's too boring, for a blog, I want a nice fancy name for my blog now, and I will cook up that website in a few days. And let you all know. But later.

You know, these few months, it's not that I don't have anything that I want to blog, but I have TOO MANY to blog. Especially about Christmas last year, and New Year and Chinese New Year, and the books that I've read, the movies I've watched, the lessons I've learned, the feelings, the TV shows that I've covered, and a lot more. There's just too many things!! If I blogged it all off I won't be living a life. Kidding. Therefore, I don't want to blog ALL the things that I want to blog, just blog when I feel like it and up for a lot of typing, that way I think it is more productive, in a way.

If I can find the time, I will try to complete all the drafts waiting on my blogroll now.

Yvonne..