Estranged

From myself. I don't know me anymore. 

Despite the fact that I know completely why did that happen, I do nothing to stop it. 

It feels like a ticking bomb, the only thing is you'll be wondering when will it go off. 

And I'm curious as to how far can I go knowing it will tick off any moment yet doing nothing about it. 

How, did I come to this point again? 

Let me ask you something, do you eat to live? Or you live to eat? 

If you're a foodie, I bet you'd go "Of course I live to eat!!" then you'll laugh jokingly and everyone will smile or laugh along to be polite. 

Then somewhere in your sub-conscious you'd be thinking, "well of course the responsible answer would be 'eat to live'..."

Think again. 

If everything you do is just for the sake of living, then what's the point of living? 

Passion or obsession is a thing everyone must have in life. Otherwise, I really don't see the point. 

Having said that, maybe I should shoot myself right now? I read that people sometimes stop midtrack in their life and think "what the hell am I doing now?" and sometimes I wonder about that too but I always have answers prepared for that. 

Sometimes I wish I don't instead. 

Yvonne..