In need of a break.

No, not the 15 minutes kind. I need a big break. Something like a 3 months to a year. I know to some of you it sounds funny, but I long to go on a self-searching trip. I yearn for it. I want to find back my old self. But at the same time I want to retain some parts of my current self...sigh, it's hard to be me. 

If there's only one thing I can say about my tertiary education, I would say this, "It burned me out and I have no positive scholar-related memories in there." Yeah, that's coming from a person who always score flying colours in every exams or tests in her primary and secondary education. Now, the same song couldn't be sung. Call me weak but after all this, I will NEVER come back to the same field to further my studies. People say your college or uni years are supposed to be fun, but for me it's plain torture and almost meaningless, if it weren't for meeting people and making good friends and exploring things with them. 

I think maybe I should talk to someone about this. These days the line "If I keep doing this I'll die very soon" keep popping into my head, consciously or unconsciously. It's saying something. Either I'm very exhausted or I really am going to die very soon. 

Yvonne..

JLPT N5: 180/180

I can't say "I couldn't believe it", mostly because the test was kinda too-easy for me, although, I could see myself making a few careless mistakes, and besides, I checked my answers after the test and so far most of my answers were correct so...I guess I could believe it after all :)

Still, I'm so... happy. 

I always scored a few marks below 100 during my internal tests, probably because of the writing element which was absent in the JLPT (don't think I'll score full marks if that's the case). But I'm really quite satisfied this time. 

Hmm, I wonder how many people scored full marks for this exam? Hopefully not much... ...? Heh. 

And I kinda hope they'll give out some sort of award. A scholarship to study in Japan (Ha I wish!)..or something like...an all-expense paid trip to Japan? That would be so awesomely nice wouldn't it? 

But N5's so easy that I'd be lucky if I even get a furoshiki out of scoring full marks for it =.=

I posted on my social network saying,

'My Japanese Language Proficiency Test N5 came back with marks 180 out of 180. Needless to say, I'm elated because I thought I would have at least one or two answers wrong. On the other hand, it makes me a tiny weeny bit sad, although irrational, because I was thinking, "sigh, if only my studies can score this high..."

Life can be so difficult when your future occupation do not match your passion.'

Well...it's true. But, for now, I'll gloat all I want first :D

I'm so sad that I have to stop studying Japanese to focus on my studies for the last semester at college. But I swear I'll resume Japanese classes as soon as I graduate, nothing can stop me...Oh, my dear Japanese.

Yvonne..

Favourite Quotes

Just realised I haven't make a post of my most favourite quotes here. I believe that a person's favourite quotes somewhat reflect part of, if not all, of that person's inner thoughts. It either shapes or be shaped by the person's views and perspectives, so in a sense it's bidirectional. You don't like a quote which says "Chocolates are the only food from heaven" (for eg.) if you can't bring yourself to even taste the revolting brown goo (I can't believe I just said that about chocolates, what is wrong with me?). Anyway, here goes: 

You can be mad as a mad dog at the way things went; 

You can swear and curse the fates;

But when it comes to the end, you have to let go. 

~ Benjamin Button, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

~ Mark Twain. 

My shield depends upon God, who saves the upright in heart. 

~ Psalm 7:10.


"Perfer et obdura; dolor hic tibi proderit olim.”
[“Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you.”]

~ Joyce Conway, Thanks for the Memories. 

An idea is like a virus, resilient, highly contagious. The smallest seed of an idea can grow. It can grow to define or destroy you. 

~ Cobb, Inception.

Time is too slow for those who wait, 

time is too swift for those who fear, 

time is too long for those who grieve, 

but for those who love, those who are loved, 

time is eternity. 

~ Henry van Dyke. 

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want; He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me.

~ Psalm 23. 

"ああ... 俺は... 世界を殺し... 世界を創る..."

["Ahh... I... kill the world... create the world..."]

~ ルルーシュ・ランペルージ, コードギアス .

[~ Lelouch Lamperouge, Code Geass.]

All you can do is enjoy this beautiful day, because we get so few of it.

~ Mary Alice Young, Desperate Housewives. 

Life is much too important to be taken seriously.

~ Oscar Wilde. 

"If you love something let it go, 

If it comes back to you it's yours, 

If it doesn't, it never was."

"Imperfections are what makes the world perfect."

The flow of time cleanses the past and heals the wounds in people's hearts.

~ Komatsu Nana, NANA. 

So, have we solved the secret of happiness?

"I believe so," he said. 

Are you going to tell me? 

"Yes. Ready?" 

Ready. 

"Be satisfied." 

That's it? 

"Be grateful." 

That's it? 

"For what you have. For the love you receive. And for what God has given you." 

That's it? 

He looked me in the eye. Then he sighed deeply. 

"That's it." 

~ Mitch Albom, Have a Little Faith. 

Girls flirt with the dangerous guy, Logan. They don't take him home. They marry the good guy. 

~ Jean Grey, X2. 

Never place your happiness in other's hand no matter how much you love them, and be happy just by being you.

~ A friend, I believe. 

To be updated, when there's more. 

Yvonne..

Updated on September 13, 2011. 

Near-faint Experience

That's as close to being actually fainted to the floor as I can get. 

That's right, I've never fainted before. But being a budding full-blown mysophobia (aka germophobia) I think I'll prefer that I never had to faint in my entire life thank you. 

It happened yesterday's noon, after my shower which I've stopped my research paper mania to take, while I was in the washroom beside my bedroom. I was vomiting. But nothing physical except gastric acid, which was greenish yellow in colour, the liquid which burned through my throat and nose canal, now that's acid for you. 

After so long since I've blogged, you never expect me to post a new one on vomiting, eh? *silent snickers*

Anyway, it happened so suddenly, so unexpected, because prior to the shower, I felt just fine. No sign of any discomfort except for the occasional coughs and super runny nose. 

Then it all changed in minutes. Funny how life can change in such a short period of time. You'd think that you have been doing something or being somewhere or seeing something or being with someone FOREVER, and then snap! Your whole life changed in just that one second or whatever. 

Oh, Time. You cruel surprise-lover. 

Back to the topic, I couldn't really identify the actual cause of my unexpected blip. Because I was really dishevelled trying to complete my paper on time (and I'm still doing that), skipping meals, skipping showers, skipping brushing my teeth, skipping sleeps, skipping a lot of things. 

Maybe it's the skipping meal thing. But I have skipped meals or took meals at the most unregular hours before (how does a dinner at 4a.m. sounds to you?) so why this time??? My body trying to tell me that I'm getting old? (I'm not quite that old yet, mind you.)

Anyway, moral of the lesson: 

Don't torture yourself 

skipping your needs 

trying to complete something 

that you can always try again. 

And I mean it. Because you will never know what are you sacrificing in order to finish something that you can always try again. Your health. Your unborn baby. Your close family member. Your cherished thing that seemed to be around forever until you realise that it is not so permanent after all. 

Always, always, take care of yourself. As the chinese saying goes, it equates to filial piety to your parents. 

Provided that you have parents who cares about you. Forget about cold-blooded beasts who don't give a sh*t about their offsprings. 

So that's that. Until next time, 

Yvonne..