I've decided

To reject the offer of going to France.

I just don't have enough modal to gamble with Petronas.

If I failed in my last year or something, I will need to pay back over half a million to Pet.

And with that 10 years bond, they can do anything with me, they can throw me to South Africa, Sudan and whatever place all they like.

They can also reduct my salary, do whatever they like with me, because I'm bonded and I can't do anything about it.

The risk is just too high.

Not to mention my whole family now objects more than ever (except my mom). Even my dad now objects determinedly.

I hate myself. I hate myself for being born in a poor family. I hate myself for the inability to do anything.

I give up.

I would have insert some really foul language here. But I refrained not to.

I'm sorry to all my supportive friends. Especially Shadows. You've tried hard to convince myself to go. But in the end I can't go anywhere when my whole family don't let me to. I'm sorry to my seniors, who gave me encouragement and "you can do it!" support, but now I just can't find the reason to do it anymore.

I don't know any other way to express my sorriness to all of you. I felt sorry even for myself.

Now, just let me drown myself and never see the light anymore.

Yvonne..