Silence

What is so fragile that even saying its name can break it?

Yvonne..

It happened in such an unexpected way. 

Irony in Play

From my perspective, life is always filled with irony. 

Maybe it's my cynical way of looking at community in general, always scrutinizing, examining and criticizing, it's always hard to believe that something is truly benevolent. 

Speaking of benevolent, the closest thing I could identify to be such is a Mother's love for her child. Even so, the other day I've just heard some news where a mother killed a number of her own infants right after she gave birth to them. In her own house. Due to her stout build, the terrifying thing is that no one notices anything at all. The reason she gave for her actions were that the babies are not wanted by she and her husband. 

I don't know which is more ridiculous, the fact that she never considered using birth controls, or the fact that she actually killed her own babies with a sound mind. Perhaps the latter. 

It's funny if one were to take a step back and view humans in general. I'd be happy to be an alien, separated from unnecessary emotions and hormones and study the most powerful population of the animal kingdom on earth. It'd be like watching dramas, comedy, action, romance altogether, like a movie. But I bet my primary focus is to view it as a comedy. So many things that humans do that makes sense but at the same time do not. Even the most respected beings, their reputation is questionable to me, as I could not be convinced simply by a person doing the right thing, at the right time, at the most appropriate timing. 

Although, rooms must be make for us as we are slave to emotions and feelings. Irony or not, sometimes the decision-maker himself do not realize that he is contradicting his own principles. The point is that it feels right. And thus, irony is created. 

Sometimes I really wonder if we're the Barbie dolls of higher-beings. 

Yvonne..

Reckless

The other day I was involved in a car accident. 

It was at night, but I thought of using a road which I seldom use but I think I know how to use to get home. Unfamiliar to the road, I tried to do a last minute turn onto a ramp and hit another car coming on. It was definitely my fault and I wondered how the heck I got so idiotic and lost all my rational thinking ability at that very precise moment. It could get very worse off if I lost control and hadn't hit on the brake immediately as soon as I've come to my senses. I regretted over it tremendously, even if nobody was hurt and the damages do not look all that serious (dents, scratches, and so on). Somehow, I felt like a part of me changed too. The way you view things, how a split-second decision could change your life completely, the way you deal with life, and so on. 

I used to watch/listen/read all those "Be careful on the road" stories. I took note of it, but didn't really take it all that seriously. Now, after a very hands-on experience, I can only be grateful that I was really lucky at that time, ie, no one was hurt. But I can't help thinking what if I didn't have that chance to be lucky?...

...

...

...

I could be seriously injured, or even die;

The family on the other car (parents and a child) could have gotten even worse.

It's really a terrifying set of what-ifs. In my case I'm more terrified of anything happens to that other car rather than myself. I don't think I can live with such guilt. 

For me, that was a really major accident. It was the worst accident I've ever encountered. And I pray, dear God, please let it be the last serious accident that I ever encounter. 

Once again, be very careful on the road, because,

you will never know how bad it could get. 

Yvonne..

Mission Statement

For CF2010: 

• Hunt for GOOD anime wall scrolls, if possible bag a few home. 
• Get ALL merchandise stores' name card, phone number and address, so that in the future, I wouldn't have to wait another year to get stuffs. 
• Explore every possible corners, do NOT miss out gachapons (capsule toys ftw) like last year's CF. 
• Meet up with friends who cosplay, not look at their photos after the event and wondered why on earth I never recognize them at first when I saw them (this means that they've put up some pretty good cosplay!!)
• Stay there until events end. 

Gosh. If only I have that kind of mission statement for my studies instead =.=

Yvonne..

It's already

AUGUST. 

2010. 

Have you ever have that experience, where you suddenly realize, as if all this while you're in a dream, and now, only now, you realize that it's already a few years after? 

If you have not, Congratulations, you've been living a very fulfilled life all this while, keep it going, and stop reading into this post. 

If you have, then maybe I can safely conclude that we're on the same boat. 

A boat where all dreams and futures are dead. 

A boat where visions are crushed, minds are darkened, and hopes are no longer alive. 

A boat where people like us, the dejected, never look beyond the future to feel the thrill of shimmering success, the excitement of realized goals, the shivers of possible happy-ever-afters. 

A place where views of the world is twisted, anything but optimistic, nothing of childish, but of cruelty and how ugly people in this world can ever be. 

A place where you've resorted to living just to pass the day, as if a corpse, to continue life, like all other people, to fulfill your duty as a human on this earth, as normally as possible, without breaking the chain, or customs, or whatever it is called, just for the sake of living. 

This is when you start living life without meaning to, and once in a blue moon it zaps you back, sometimes when looking at the calendar, sometimes when someone asks you what day is it, or sometimes when a relative reminds you to attend this function which is on some date, that hey, time passes even when you aren't feeling anything, time passes even when your world is without colors. 

"If you wish, shall I take you away? 

To a place in this city where 
wishes come true." 

~ Furukawa Nagisa, Clannad

Yvonne..

Giving

No one gets her a gift even though last week she hinted it to us --- except me. 

And I'm so very very glad that I did. Otherwise: how very sad!!!

It's one thing that no one gets you any gift because you never mention it, but it's really a heart-breaking thing to hint to the WHOLE CLASS, but no one gets you any gift. Which is why I never mention the coming of my birthdays to anyone, because in the event that if really, everyone forgets about it, at least I can console myself by telling my pathetic self: "oh don't worry, it's just that they don't know, that's all" which is all a lie, but really, it makes you feel better, even if you know it's a lie. 

Of course that's just IF. Therefore, I truly, from the bottom of my heart, am very grateful, to all my friends, who never forget to sms me at midnight, or drop me a wish anywhere, anytime, on each of my birthdays. 

By the way, I was talking about my Japanese teacher, whose birthday is on next Monday. 

I got her a photo frame, which I think, is never too many for anyone. I thought of getting her a bar of chocolate but I was afraid that she might be on a diet or is cocoa-intolerant or something (um yeah I derived that from the phrase lactose-intolerant). And besides, she might put the photo of us and her into that very frame. Later. When we do actually get around to take a photo. Who knows. 

It's a black frame, with swirly white flowers around the border and is made of glass. I kinda hope she likes black cuz she wears a black jacket to our EVERY single class. So I think she might like black. 

She looked really surprised and happy for my gift. And I'm almost as equally as elated as her. Recently I learned that:

Giving, is a good thing.

Not just from this event, but from things that happened lately. And that's a story, for another day :)

Yvonne..

Suki

You're always at the corner of my eyes, 

you're always on my mind, 

you're always the one I'd apply "What-if?"s to, 

you're hot, in my eyes, 

it's been some time since I start liking someone,

but I think this time, I'd like to like you longer, 

longer, 

longer, 

and I would never look at you directly, 

inquisitively, 
curiously,

or even flirtatiously, 

for fear that if there might be a girl, even remotely close to you;

for fear that if my gaze linger on you too long, you might notice;

for fear that if I ever had the nerves to talk to you, all the bubbles might break; 

for fear that if I ever had the words out of my mouth, the tension is over;

why can't I say the right things, like all other smooth operators, 

why can't I do the right things, and stop worrying what might happen, 

why can't I just react right, when you came so close behind me, 

that my heart almost-literally jumped out as I realized: 

you were there all the time without making a sound???

why do you have to dress in a way that it seems like only I find it hot?

why do you have to be such a geek that it seems like only I find it cute?

why do you have to look so... argh! 

and worst of all, why in the world that I sometimes found you staring at me??????

was that just me?

I think so. I dare not tell myself otherwise. 

It's been three times that we've talked, 

it's been two times that I've caught you looking at me, 

it's been damnit-how-many-times you're so near but we never talk? 

"I like you!" If only I could say that without fearing the consequences. 

I like liking someone. I also hate liking someone. 
Life is such a fantastic irony. 

Yvonne.. 

New Project

I want a major revamp on my room. Period. 

I've been following a "Pictures of your room" (which is sometimes mistakenly read as "Pictures of your mom" and set people off laughing) thread and man, some of these kids really have got their room (or should I say life) together so so so nicely. Not to say extravagant, but yeah nicely. Even small rooms, some managed to make things SO organized and still have rooms for display, it almost makes me cry and sob and feel very ashamed. You know, I'm THIS close to driving myself over to Ikea and start buying a whole room of new furnitures. 

I'm not saying that I hate everything in my room... but it's so... mismatched. Every piece of furniture in my room comes from a different place and a different time, to some people maybe it's very chic or something but nooooo it's super not. And I know I probably sound like a major spoiled brat for saying all those things up there, but I think I deserve some furniture changes after oh I don't know, living with them for nearly 20 years? 

Hey, I think I just found a perfect killer-line to convince my parents to see things my way :) I shall start flipping my Ikea catalogues. 

Yvonne..

Beautiful Opening

I dare say, this is one of the best anime openings I've seen throughout my entire anime history. 

The timing and the animation is so matching that I want to announce it husband and wife. 

Yes, one of the best. No doubt. 

Yvonne..

P.S. If you can wait, wait for the HD to load before you watch =D

100th

According to MyAnimeList, a useful online list tool specially for otakus like me to list down which animes I've watched and at the same time provide useful information on animes and run statistics on our animes, I've completed

100 animes
(click me if you wanna know which ones)

Medetashi medetashi!!

And okay, I know that's not such a big number, after all my target is 300, but reaching one third of it makes me just as happy. I did stop watching for some time due to the utter long-ness of Rurouni Kenshin. 

Anime otaku forever. Peace. 

Yvonne..

New Sem, New Subs, New Gangs

It's almost the same to me every sem.

Except that this sem, I think I'm kinda getting the gist of it. Hey, at least I don't hide at some deserted open-air stairwell whenever I get a break and sleep or eat or get some sunshine there. 

And okay, at least I have nice friends to chat with and get to know of this sem for nearly every subject but still, I miss my best best best best best best friends in the world. 

Now I know why I cried during my high school graduation (and btw I'm NOT a cheerleader). 

Anyway, this is just a post to let my dear friends know I'm not dead yet :)

But I AM busier than last sem, taking 3 papers with one being of one of the ultimate P papers so yeah, I'm super busy, and also super sleepy at most times whenever I'm at home, not studying or watching anime. Therefore I often find the bed more appealing than the power button on my computer and so, this is why I'm not online most of the time. And on Saturday I have Japanese class and on Sunday I have either a life or family-forced-functions or an exam to study for. 

Omg, I'm gonna miss the net. No wait, let me do it again. Omg, the net's gonna miss me. Bwahahahh. 

Yvonne..

P.S. SMS works faster with me than MSN these days...just so you guys know ;)

In The Rain

So this is what it's like to walk with someone under an umbrella in the rain, making lame but somehow funny jokes while me complaining my wet velvet shoes which I love so much. The shoes I mean.

Koi ga setsunai.. 

Yvonne..