Silence

What is so fragile that even saying its name can break it?

Yvonne..

It happened in such an unexpected way. 

Irony in Play

From my perspective, life is always filled with irony. 

Maybe it's my cynical way of looking at community in general, always scrutinizing, examining and criticizing, it's always hard to believe that something is truly benevolent. 

Speaking of benevolent, the closest thing I could identify to be such is a Mother's love for her child. Even so, the other day I've just heard some news where a mother killed a number of her own infants right after she gave birth to them. In her own house. Due to her stout build, the terrifying thing is that no one notices anything at all. The reason she gave for her actions were that the babies are not wanted by she and her husband. 

I don't know which is more ridiculous, the fact that she never considered using birth controls, or the fact that she actually killed her own babies with a sound mind. Perhaps the latter. 

It's funny if one were to take a step back and view humans in general. I'd be happy to be an alien, separated from unnecessary emotions and hormones and study the most powerful population of the animal kingdom on earth. It'd be like watching dramas, comedy, action, romance altogether, like a movie. But I bet my primary focus is to view it as a comedy. So many things that humans do that makes sense but at the same time do not. Even the most respected beings, their reputation is questionable to me, as I could not be convinced simply by a person doing the right thing, at the right time, at the most appropriate timing. 

Although, rooms must be make for us as we are slave to emotions and feelings. Irony or not, sometimes the decision-maker himself do not realize that he is contradicting his own principles. The point is that it feels right. And thus, irony is created. 

Sometimes I really wonder if we're the Barbie dolls of higher-beings. 

Yvonne..

Reckless

The other day I was involved in a car accident. 

It was at night, but I thought of using a road which I seldom use but I think I know how to use to get home. Unfamiliar to the road, I tried to do a last minute turn onto a ramp and hit another car coming on. It was definitely my fault and I wondered how the heck I got so idiotic and lost all my rational thinking ability at that very precise moment. It could get very worse off if I lost control and hadn't hit on the brake immediately as soon as I've come to my senses. I regretted over it tremendously, even if nobody was hurt and the damages do not look all that serious (dents, scratches, and so on). Somehow, I felt like a part of me changed too. The way you view things, how a split-second decision could change your life completely, the way you deal with life, and so on. 

I used to watch/listen/read all those "Be careful on the road" stories. I took note of it, but didn't really take it all that seriously. Now, after a very hands-on experience, I can only be grateful that I was really lucky at that time, ie, no one was hurt. But I can't help thinking what if I didn't have that chance to be lucky?...

...

...

...

I could be seriously injured, or even die;

The family on the other car (parents and a child) could have gotten even worse.

It's really a terrifying set of what-ifs. In my case I'm more terrified of anything happens to that other car rather than myself. I don't think I can live with such guilt. 

For me, that was a really major accident. It was the worst accident I've ever encountered. And I pray, dear God, please let it be the last serious accident that I ever encounter. 

Once again, be very careful on the road, because,

you will never know how bad it could get. 

Yvonne..

Mission Statement

For CF2010: 

• Hunt for GOOD anime wall scrolls, if possible bag a few home. 
• Get ALL merchandise stores' name card, phone number and address, so that in the future, I wouldn't have to wait another year to get stuffs. 
• Explore every possible corners, do NOT miss out gachapons (capsule toys ftw) like last year's CF. 
• Meet up with friends who cosplay, not look at their photos after the event and wondered why on earth I never recognize them at first when I saw them (this means that they've put up some pretty good cosplay!!)
• Stay there until events end. 

Gosh. If only I have that kind of mission statement for my studies instead =.=

Yvonne..

It's already

AUGUST. 

2010. 

Have you ever have that experience, where you suddenly realize, as if all this while you're in a dream, and now, only now, you realize that it's already a few years after? 

If you have not, Congratulations, you've been living a very fulfilled life all this while, keep it going, and stop reading into this post. 

If you have, then maybe I can safely conclude that we're on the same boat. 

A boat where all dreams and futures are dead. 

A boat where visions are crushed, minds are darkened, and hopes are no longer alive. 

A boat where people like us, the dejected, never look beyond the future to feel the thrill of shimmering success, the excitement of realized goals, the shivers of possible happy-ever-afters. 

A place where views of the world is twisted, anything but optimistic, nothing of childish, but of cruelty and how ugly people in this world can ever be. 

A place where you've resorted to living just to pass the day, as if a corpse, to continue life, like all other people, to fulfill your duty as a human on this earth, as normally as possible, without breaking the chain, or customs, or whatever it is called, just for the sake of living. 

This is when you start living life without meaning to, and once in a blue moon it zaps you back, sometimes when looking at the calendar, sometimes when someone asks you what day is it, or sometimes when a relative reminds you to attend this function which is on some date, that hey, time passes even when you aren't feeling anything, time passes even when your world is without colors. 

"If you wish, shall I take you away? 

To a place in this city where 
wishes come true." 

~ Furukawa Nagisa, Clannad

Yvonne..